Please
by Valkyriav
Summary: Daenerys reminisces over Jorah after sending him away to find a cure. Daenerys POV.


Something I wrote after needing to let out some Dany/Jorah feels after S6E5. I was inspired by a fan video on Youtube called "Jorah & Daenerys - Belief | Game of Thrones" by Little Cub. I highly recommend it. If you're looking for other fan videos, any of the Jorah videos by Zurik 23M are also top notch.

* * *

When you told me you had loved me the first time I scoffed. ' _Love?_ How could you _say_ that to me?' I had seethed through my teeth. How could a man who sold my secrets to the usurper who killed my father and stole my brother's throne tell me he had _loved_ me? It seemed another lie, like the foundation our relationship had been built upon. When you spoke my first name and reached for my hand like you always did, whether it was to protect me or speak intimately with me, my facade had nearly broken. I had to send you away immediately. I could not even bear to look at you out of fear of being weak. If I had not I would have either cried or forgiven you and as Queen I could do not that.

I trusted and loved you most of all out of anyone else under my command. You were my rock, my anchor in this storm of ascension. You are the only one who has seen all sides of me, from the vulnerable child being wedded to a Dothraki Khal to the Queen of Meereen that I am now. When I was Khaleesi you were my closest friend, my only connection to my homeland. You were the only one I could speak to comfortably while I struggled to adapt to Dothraki culture. Even when Drogo died and most of the khaalsar left you stayed by my side and pledged yourself to me to help me with a nearly impossible goal. Despite how much easier it was to simply leave, you stayed loyally by my side through whatever had come, protecting me from those that would hurt or use me. It was only through your guidance and protection that I had made it this far. Where would I be if not for you? A Beggar Queen like my brother?

I believed you to be the only person I could trust completely. Do you know how _deeply_ it cut into my core learning that our whole relationship was built upon lies?

I tried to forget, but the dull pain in my heart never healed. Losing Drogo and my child I could heal from with time, but the pain of a betrayal from a person I held such great affection for since the very beginning had left me utterly heartbroken.

Despite my threat to kill you if you ever set foot in my city again, you came back.

When you appeared before me again after defeating those pit fighters without bloodshed - as though you read the discomfort from my mind - the wound felt fresh once more. You had brought Tyrion Lannister as a gift in a hope for my forgiveness. I struggled to hold back my tears as I banished you a second time by Tyrion's advice, thankful for an excuse to not execute you. As a Queen I must keep my promises. Why did you come back and risk your life when I let you go freely to collect your pardon and return to your homeland like you originally wanted? Tyrion said he thought you worshiped and loved me but once again I refused to believe it.

Once again you came back.

I do not know what went through your mind that made you decide that fighting in the pits before me was a good idea. What were you hoping for? For me to stop the fight for you? To give up and die before me? To prove how much you were willing to risk yourself for my sake despite your betrayal? You out of anyone should know that I do not take my role as Queen lightly so I think you knew that I would not stop the match.

Watching you tangle with the other pit fighters was the the most heart wrenching thing I've ever had to witness and hope to never witness again. My heart sunk when I thought that pit fighter was about to end your life, wanting to stop the match right then and there but I was frozen in shock. How relieved I felt when that spear fighter inadvertently saved you by thrusting his spear through that pit fighter's chest. How I felt my heart strings pull as you plunged the blade deep into that last pit fighter's chest, locking eyes with me with such a fierce expression, feeling the emotions flow between us. The confusion and hurt I felt when you picked up that spear, thinking it was going for me. The relief when it was not. The sinking feeling when realizing what was happening in the Pits with the Sons of the Harpy.

When you came to me the violent chaos around us seemed to fade. My breath caught in my throat. You held your hand out to me with such a tender expression as though I had not banished you nor threatened your life. I had expected you to be angry and hurt, but the feelings behind those eyes were clear. At that point I was unsure whether to take your hand or not. I gave my word as Queen, but my heart yearned for what we had before despite the pain of your betrayal still fresh in my mind. I told myself I would not forgive you but sometimes the heart is stronger than the mind. I placed my hand in yours and your rough, calloused hand wrapped gently around it, filling me with nostalgia and comfort. We both knew it was a quiet moment of both apology and forgiveness between the both of us.

I was not surprised to find you and Daario arrive to rescue me from Vaes Dothrak. There was no time speak as much as I had wished. When we finally did, upon the cliff side above my new khalasar, you revealed to me your deadly disease before we could speak further. My chest tightened when you revealed to me what perhaps I had been in denial over this entire time. You _loved_ me. Not just as a friend, but as a man loves a woman. Your gaze said it all.

I had loved you as well; as an advisor, a general, and as my dearest friend. 'Friend' never felt like the truest extent of my affections for you and admittedly even now I am unsure how to describe my love for you. Your betrayal felt like the intimate heartbreak that only a lover could cause. Your return made my heart ache deeply for you despite my cold words. Back when we were together, before I banished you, I always felt a pleasant warmness in my chest that filled me with serenity that only your presence could bring. Maybe I loved you in the same way but never knew it. My experiences with 'love' so far had never given me such intimate, intense feelings for someone so perhaps I am unfamiliar with what to do with them. With my short lived marriage to Drogo the only things we knew were pride and lust. A deep, emotional love was not known between us. With Daario there was simply lust. My former betrothed, Hizdahr, was simply political.

Perhaps if things were different between us - if you had not betrayed me or you had not caught that disease - just maybe I could say I loved you in the same way you loved me.

And just like that, you attempted to depart. Despite all the effort you went through to come back to me you were simply leaving because you did not want to infect me; truly a sign of selfless love. Tears welled up in my eyes as I halted you. This was how it ended? You accepting to simply kill yourself, giving up on all hope for yourself?

Forgiveness was given, and perhaps a chance at putting your betrayal behind us, but a simple disease ruined it all. You could be back by my side, Tyrion's advice be damned. How empty it would feel to finally arrive in Westeros, after all we had been together, only for you not to be by my side? The thought made me feel hollow inside.

So I told you to do the only thing I could think of doing. I gave you motivation to live; to find the cure, even if such odds are low. At that moment my stern, stoic Queen facade broke, and then tears welled up in my eyes and my lip trembled, emotions flooding out of me.

"When I take back the Seven Kingdoms, I need you by my side."

I saw a light appear in your eyes. After being given new purpose I could see determination return to you.

I smiled at you. Just a parting farewell smile, despite how much I wanted to jump into your arms. To kiss you farewell. But with the disease that could not be risked, and you would certainly not allow me to as the man who swore to protect me with his life. As you left for good, tears fell from my eyes. I did not know if I would ever see you again. Perhaps you would succumb to the disease in some unfamiliar land and I would spent forever waiting on the Iron Throne for your return, wondering what had happened to you.

 _Please,_ Ser Jorah. Find the cure and return to me. My conquering of Westeros would not be right without you there to see me on the throne, after all we went through and where we had started from.

I will be waiting patiently for you, expecting your return.

* * *

This was my first time writing Dany so I struggled quite a bit. Hope it's still okay though!


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